My sanctuary...the shower

I love to write. Granted I may not be very good at it, but I love to conjure up thoughts in my head and figure out how to elaborate and describe my feelings on paper (or in this case a blog). We all have one place that we do our best thinking in. Some of us in the car, in bed, a special room in the house, or on the toliet ( trust me I've thought of something on the toliet and realized 15 mins later that my business with the toliet was done but I was still sitting there because I was thinking or day dreaming about something). What ever your place is, that is the place you feel safe in, when you mind can just wonder off and fall into a world of bravery and imagination. It's like The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe only there is no actual destination that we disapper to, just a place in our minds. My wardrobe is the shower. This is the place that I think of personal issues, political issues, my bucket list, on few occasions I drift into thoughts of pregnancy ( due to my heart condition I am not able to have children), I stick out my belly and imagine, "ohh this is how I would look if I were 5 mths pregnant. I wonder now being single after 7 1/2 years how would another guy react to all the scarring on my chest. I usually poke at the 4 holes I have on my chest were tubes were inserted, poke my pacemaker or run my finger down the foot and 1/2 pink wrinkly scar.

While the water falls from the shower head, I sometimes think of quick comebacks that I want to say to my ex-boyfriend or speeches that I might one day say to him on how he made me feel when we were once in love. I would say that I love you but I know now that I was not strong enough to be in your shadow. I needed to live my life not trail behind someones footsteps. I understand that we both have endeavors and goals and dreams we want to accomplish but you have to take a breath and step back and enjoy life sometimes. What's the point in trying to reach these goals if you can't stand back and realize how far you have come and see how much beauty is right before your eyes. Open your eyes I'd tell him look at the beauty that you are missing. I imagine that after given my brave speech he realize "wow what a beautiful creature in front of me and I let her go." Of course this is not a movie it is reality and these made up scenarios will never come true.

I hope everyone has a place like this somewhere in their lives. A place that you can think freely without interruption even if it's for 10 mins. Make a place, make the time to free your mind from all the troubles in your life, these troubles aren't going anywhere but the beauty of life will pass you by. Happy daydreaming!!

30 Days to Success?

Yes I know it's been a while since I've documented my adventurous soul seeking life...but unfortunately I live in the reality world called "you take out loans for school, then you better focus on school." So school is coming down to the wire but I wanted to post on my blog before it because a thing of the past.

How many of us say I want to lost weight? Come on raise your hands!!! I'll be honest with you I say that all the time. So being a brave new person I thought I changed my tactic...I'm going to eat healthier. But then the question arised in my head how can I eat any healthier if I'm already a vegetarian. So back to the drawing board....I'm going to "incorporate better eating habits" (side note, I'm a vegetarian but I consider french fries to be health vegetables) and exercising (after all I did have open heart surgery so I should be working out my cardiac muscles).

So I hear 30 Day is all it takes to getting into a new habit. With that being said 30 days is not long..that's a month...not hard people! SIKE!!!! 2 Days into my HEALTHY EATING EXERCISE VOYAGE and I was back to eating chips and pop as a snack. I don't get it. So a week later I packed my backpack with gym clothes; after school I was going to go to the gym...Boy oh boy I tell you class from 9-2 that's a killer, I think I'll skip the gym and go home and take a nap. Yup that's what I did for the past three weeks. Now that finals are coming well that a more perfect excuse not to work out, right?

So how does this relate to soul searching and living an adventurous life? I've realized that yes I'm a vegetarian and yes I love to eat but I hate new things. I hate getting a cookbook with no pictures or it having some odd ingredient that I've never even heard before. And in all honest how can I say I want to experience life if I can't even try to make a simple recipes in my own apartment. I mean what will I do when I travel to some country and the real authentic food is on my plate. Am I gonna pack veggie burgers in my travel case? NO. I'm not saying that tomorrow I'm going to wake up and eat everything foreign and exercising like a triathlon, but I think being open-minded and incorporate some daily exercise will be a start. I think anyone who says I'm going to "diet" or "lose weigt" has to take it slow, we have to take baby steps before we run. I have to start somewhere and I much rather start here at this point then lower on the pole. Happy eating and exercising!!!!

Not as easy as it looks

Yesterday I bought the book, " 1,000 Palce To See Before You Die." It has given me ideas on things obviously on wha I wanna see in the USA. All morning I've been planning a trip to Maine. And it's exciting but at the same time,I have no one to experince this with. I broke up with my boyfiend yesterday. After 7 and a half years we both realized that our path of lives are in different direction. I'm okay with this outcome, it was much over-due. But unfortunalty we still live together because I have no other option but to stay here in our apartment until the lease is up. And that reason only I'm so angry because I want to mourn. I want to mourn the fact that I had to let someone go in my life. But I can't because he is in this apartment with me and with no real place to go in this town we are at, I'm stuck holding this grief and angry inside. AlllI wanted to do was see the world and enjoy it with someone and instead my someone wants to see their own world with other people.

Out with the Old and in with the New

A year ago today I had open heart surgery (not the first one in my life) and today after long pep talks to myself throughout the year I decided that today is the day I begin my adventure (here is to my first idea on my bucket list, make a bucket list blog). I wish I had pictures of my surgery, letters or things from that event, but I don't. But I guess it's okay because I'm moving on with the world and embracing my future. To the places I'll see and the people I'll meet, to the things that I will eat and the places I will sleep, to my smiles that turn to laughter and to the tears that I will shed after. May everyone who reads my happily every after get inspired. Life is always said to be short and I don't want to be cliche but we only have a handful of hours, mins, in a day and I'm going to live like I'm Dying.